The primary reason for the New Car in the first place is safety. A step towards badly needed cost containment is merely an added bonus.

A safer car that will save money is something we can all get behind. Not only that, there have been some great finishes. Who cares if it looks like a dog house on wheels.

Taking it full time as soon as possible makes sense because too many people in the sport now have two full time jobs to do getting the New Car ready to run next week while they are unloading the Old Car for the race this week.

The two car situation sucks for drivers, crews and owners (wait, I forgot about the tremendous suffering and stress being experienced by die cast manufacturers).

But there is a big problem with the New Car:

Right now, the beast simply won’t turn. That means there will be more wrecks.

While the finishes have been great, all the yellow flags get old in a hurry.

Here is why I say NASCAR has it bass ackwards:

A season with more wrecks means more chances for serious injury and death in addition to costing the teams more money.

Save the Cheerleader. Save the world.

Save the car. Save a life.

Here is some simple math….

If you just reduce two car wrecks by one per race, there are 72 times cars don’t get destroyed with drivers inside.

Think about what happens in a crash at these speeds. The safety equipment is fantastic. That is why Clint Bowyer was able to walk away from that spectacular display at the Daytona 500.

But every wreck is a chance for something really bad to happen. Even as safe as these cars are, we are talking about some extreme violence.

It doesn’t matter if you put bubble wrap around the drivers and install air bags or make the “green house” twice as big as it is now.

Also, the New Car has a higher center of gravity. The impact of that is going to be more cars flipping over. At the risk of being Captain Obvious, a car skidding on the roof at over 150MPH is not a good thing. It can’t be controlled. Gasoline tends to get into real hot places. People tend to die.

These are amazing race car drivers. They are among the most competitive people in the world.

If NASCAR views the lack of turning ability as a safety feature that will force them to go slower, they are being naive.

Sure, 42 of the 43 on the track are not JPM like idiots, but these guys are going to do what they have to do to win (or at least stay in the top 35 in points).

NASCAR seems to think it is god on many issues (in their omnipotence, they are able to see debris when we mortals cannot). Sadly, god is ignoring the laws of physics.

Frankly, I’m scared to death of what we are going to see at ‘Dega this fall (the first super speedway race with the new car).

But let’s say we do acknowledge that NASCAR is in fact god and the laws of physics don’t matter and that no one will ever get so much as a runny nose or a hang nail in a crash in the new car.

All those extra wrecks kind of destroy the efforts at cost containment (that and allowing JPM to have a NASCAR license)?

NASCAR needs to make some changes in the car that will give the drivers a better chance to do what they do well.

Here are the changes I want to see NASCAR make on the New Car:

• Rules and design changes that will create more front down force.
• Rules and design changes for better brake cooling.
• Reverse field and direct Goodyear to provide more drivable tires.

There number of mind numbingly bad ideas to save the environment is, uhm, mind numbing. GM and the Bow Tie crew have decided to add to this list by pushing another one: Ethanol fueled NASCAR.

Politicians running for president, environmentalist activists and farmers are pushing Ethanol as the one click solution for reducing gasoline costs, reducing US dependence on foreign oil and helping the environment.

“We need to go to Ethanol” is a politically correct statement that is a rock solid part of the conventional wisdom. But the truth is, Ethanol is bullshit.

Here are the only things Ethanol is good for:

• Helping politicians feel good, look good and get campaign contributions from the Ethanol lobby (especially the campaign contribution part).
• Helping corn farmers get rich off of taxpayer subsidies.
• Helping environmental organizations raise money.
• Helping spineless companies like GM look good to environmentalists to get them off their back (what wimps).

Here are some facts, you can check them out yourself:

• Producing Ethanol CONSUMES more energy than it produces.
• Ethanol is more expensive than gasoline without the taxpayer subsidy.
• The alchohol in Ethanol absorbs moisture. I’m no NASCAR crew chief, but even I know that water in a car engine is bad.
• You can’t move Ethanol in pipelines (you have to truck it everywhere).

Here is an article from Australia. Here is one from Business Week. And this is a column from USA Today.

For the record, I’m a Chevy fan when it comes to NASCAR. But those sniviling cowards at GM make me sick.

The environmental wackos and extremists want auto racing – especially NASCAR – banned. They think all NASCAR fans are a bunch of toothless, inbreeding, moonshine drinking trailer park dwellers with gun racks in our pickup trucks who flunked the GED. Those are not NASCAR fans, those are Tony Stewart fans – there is a difference.

When companies like GM wuss out to bad science like this, they put our sport under more attack, not less.

If you think environmentalists don’t have a raging hard on to ban NASCAR, take a look here.

The Ethanol NASCAR ranks right up there with what Sheryl Crowe told the Washington Post we need to do to save the planet.

“I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting. Now, I don’t want to rob any law-abiding American of his or her God-given rights, but I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where 2 to 3 could be required.”

Are you kidding me Ms. Stinky Hands? No wonder Lance Armstrong dumped your ass. One freaking square? ONE FREAKING SQUARE! YOU’VE GOT STINKY HANDS!

The man survives cancer and earns the eternal hatred of the French (I’m not sure which one makes him a greater role model and inspiration, but Lance rocks). He’s been through some huge up and downs.

But how is he rewarded? By catching hell from his wife every time he takes a man sized dump and then doing a proper job on the paper work afterwards INSTEAD OF WALKING AROUND WITH SHIT CAKED ON HIS ASS. AND HIS HANDS.

Like Sheryl does.

OF COURSE HE DIVORCED HER.

GM, do you really want to do something to help “save the planet”?

Here is what you do….

NEXTEL Cup cars use 6,500 gallons of gasoline per weekend. Now, if NEXTEL Cup moved to Ethanol, it would actually be more than that, but let’s forget that part and see what GM could do to save 6,500 gallons of gas.

GM should simply use their lobbyists and big campaign contributions to push through a ban on Sheryl Crow Concerts.

Let’s face it, Sheryl simply isn’t as hot as she used to be (no, I’m not talking about how her looks have fallen off — but even if she looked like Nelly Furtado, Lance would have still dumped her) so she isn’t filling the big arenas anymore.

If instead of having 5,000 people use up a gallon and a half of evil, polluting, poisonous gasoline to drive to a Sheryl Crowe concert, they all stay home and listen to her on their Ipods, that’s 7,500 gallons right there.

Not to mention the health benefits of not having her feces covered hands touching all those people.

We can save the planet by putting an end to Sheryl Crowe concerts and leave NASCAR alone.

That is certainly true for Crash Montoya.

So, I’ve started putting together a small archive of quotes by and about JPM (okay, maybe I’ve thrown in a bit of smart ass commentary too).

Also, I’ll be adding new ones as they come along. Please don’t be shy about letting me know about any I should put in here as well.

“It’s not about nervous, it’s just the stress. You don’t want to come out here and look like an idiot because you didn’t make the show.”
JPM on the eve of his NASCAR debut
Source: IHT.com
Most of the time, Crash simply waits until he is in the show to demonstrate what a complete idiot he is.

“I really don’t know what happened,” Montoya said. “I think the 12 got me in the back, but I’m not sure which car got me.”
JPM’s comment after his first race
SOURCE: IHT.com
Ahhh, the beginning of such a beautiful relationship.

“That was just no good, low, nasty, dirty driving.”
Scott Pruett after being taken out for the win by his team mate JPM on the final lap
SOURCE: CNN.com

“I had nowhere to go. I feel really sorry about it.”
JPM after taking out Pruett in Mexico City
SOURCE: CNN.com

“Nothing, really. Just waiting.”
JPM after being asked what he thinking prior to the Daytona 500
SOURCE: IHT.com
Hmmm. Normally Crash waits until he is in the car to be thinking “Nothing, really.”

“He just got inside of us and wrecked us—it’s just racing, I guess. When you’re a rookie you do stuff like that so it’s just part of racing.”
Tony Stewart on his wreck with JPM at Texas
SOURCE: NASCAR.SUITE101.com

“He just got really close to me, he got me loose, I went into him and he spun.”
JPM on his wreck with Tony Stewart at Texas
SOURCE: NASCAR.SUITE101.com

“If I had to do it all over again, I would do the same.”
JPM after taking out six cars on lap one of the All Star Open
SOURCE: ALLHEADLINENEWS.com
Perhaps my favorite JPM quote of all time.

“Another stupid mistake by the same guy.”
AJ Allmendinger reacting to being taken out by JPM in the All Star Open
SOURCE: JOURNALNOW.com
I think AJ hit the nail on the head there.

“The fans boo Juan Pablo for a reason and a prime example of that was tonight.”
Jon Wood expressing his feelings about JPM after being caught up in the All Star Open Crash
SOURCE: JOURNALNOW.com
That’s right, Juan. And sometimes they’ll start bloging to boo you that way.

What is really crazy is there are plenty of nut job environmentalist wacko extremists out there who think it is a great idea.

As stupid as they are for believing this, their real motivation isn’t saving the planet.

They make up a bunch of unbelievably bad facts (hey, bad science and lies are ok if we use it to save the planet). One guy claims NASCAR uses 2 million gallons a season. Another claims it is 4 million. He idiots, those cars only use 6,500 per race weekend. What gets them off is their bigoted view of NASCAR fans.They think all NASCAR fans are a bunch of toothless, inbreeding, moonshine drinking trailer park dwellers with gun racks in our pickup trucks who flunked the GED.Check out a few postings from some people who think they are really open minded and really smart:

• Guns and A-Holes
• If you want your grandsons to live a long life ban NASCAR
• Save the Earth: Ban NASCAR

Coming up next….

GM Pushes Ethanol on NASCAR.

When word got out that Kasey Kahne had won the Busch race in Charlotte Saturday night (be honest nobody actually watched — they had to see it on the news that night) the MILF NASCAR Nation started making some really interesting sounds.

There was moaning, hyperventilating, screaming and fist pounding. In fact, it sounded exactly like the diner scene from When Harry Met Sally.

Trouble is, there is a crisis brewing for MILF NASCAR nation.

There will be more moaning, hyperventilating, screaming and fist pounding. Only this time, it is going to have a much different tone.

See, Kasey Kahne is on his way to the “Go or Go Home” list.

It won’t happen this week. Probably not next week. But the way he is going, it is coming soon.

Right now he is in 32nd — just 42 points off the bubble and 138 away from 36th.

So far this season, after 12 races Kahne has only finished on the lead lap three times.

If we learned anything from the Coke 600, it is that Dave Blaney (who is 36th — 92 points away from being locked in) and Toyota found something. Blaney was blazing fast before his power steering died on him. If his power steering holds on, he would have come close to being the only car on the lead lap. Brian Vickers, who also drives Toyota, is 39th at 214 points out.

If Toyota really has some mojo here, things could get wild in a hurry.

But those crazy, horny soccer moms from the All State commercials probably aren’t the ones Kasey Kahne is worried about disappointing.

No, he has to be thinking about one of his sponsors: The UAW.

What are the All State MILFs going to do to you they haven’t tried already? But dude, you don’t want a bunch of angry auto workers coming for you.

Kasey, you need to get focused here and you don’t need the distraction, but you have to know what’s coming. Right? I mean, have you ever watched an episode of the Soprano’s?

These are huge, burly auto workers who bust their humps for a living. You took their money and then you aren’t going to deliver?

You better drive fast, don’t wreck and finish well or this thing could get ugly.

You at least need to get those Dodge engineers to give put the nose back on the car from last year.

UPDATE:

I thought the biggest thing MILF NASCAR Nation had to worry about was if KK was going to be racing on Sundays. No, they have much bigger problems. Seems Kasey is running around banging super models (and not only that, for some bizzare reason, “Does Kasey Kahne have a girlfriend?” is a popular Google search. Her name is Ashley Miller and she is a Motorsports PR girl for Brian Vickers Team Red Bull (from drinkthis.typepad.com).

More on this topic later today.

You can take a look at it here.

Interesting tidbits….

Crash Locations

Turns two and four are the locations for the most accidents (25% and 29%) and the front stretch and turn one have the fewest (9% for both).

Top 5 Races by #of Cautions

1. Bristol (Food City 500)
2. Martinsville (Subway 500)
3. Martinsville (Virginia 500)
4. Lowe’s (Lowe’s 600)
5. Texas (Dickies 500)

Top 5 drivers by highest # of Crashes:

1. J.J. Yeley 18 (47%)
2. Nemachek 16 (44%)
3. Ryan Newman 15 (42%)
3. Casey Mears 15 (42%)
3. Robby Gordon 15 (42%)

Top 5 drivers by fewest # of Crashes
1. Kasey Kahne 5 (14%)
1. Kevin Harvick 5 (14%)
3. Denny Hamlin 6 (17%)
3. Jimmy Johnson 6 (17%)
3. Dave Blaney 6 (17%)

Not terribly shocking: None of the five drivers with the most crashes made the chase and four of the five with the fewest did (including Jimmy Johnson who won the championship).

A CONCEPT JPM DOESN’T SEEM TO GRASP.

Given that over half of all DNFs resulted from a wreck, a driver’s crash rate may be the most underrated stat in NASCAR. This is a stat that NASCAR needs to publish and make it something people can easily find (without requiring an expensive subscription to STATS Inc).

These numbers will be very interesting to look at in terms of where things stack up in relation to the COT.

Does a story ever get better than that?

Check this out from Fox Sports.

So, here is what Fox Sports is reporting….

Fatemeh Angela Harkness (I thought the three name thing was reserved for serial killers) got together with an Austin, TX banker by the name of Gary Jones to embezzle over a million.

They took the mil and in 2002 they started a Busch series team called Angela Motorsports. The team ran races featuring driver Mike McLaughlin.

Their scam goes bad. She runs to Mexico to hide. Heat gets to be too much there (Dog the Bounty Hunter must have been getting close) so then she scoots off to the United Arab Emirates.

She turns herself in last month and has been sentenced to three and a half years.

Let me get this straight, Angela…. You went to hide in the United ARAB Emirates?

NEWS FLASH: YOU ARE A STRIPPER. THE ARAB WORLD IS NOT EXACTLY WHAT YOU WOULD CALL SEXUALLY LIBERATED.

I’m sure there are worse regions you could have ran to. I just can’t think of any.

Does the word “stoned” mean anything to you? How about “burka”?

Well, at least DEI doesn’t have claim to having the dumbest team owner ever. It’s close, but I think Angela edges Junior’s step mom by half a car length.

A quick dig and amazingly, this story is even better than what I thought yesterday (or anything the major news organizations are reporting right now)….This thing is like something out of a Carl Hiassan novel. Only the movie would be so much better than Strip Tease.

Here are just a few of the bullet points:

• The stripper is originally from Tehran. Her real name is Fatemeh Karimkhani. She could possibly be deported to Iran after serving her time.
• Dion Harkness, her husband was a judge. He was found dead and it was ruled suicide, but lots of people have questions.
• Lots of people got burned when Team Stripper started bouncing checks and stopped paying the bills. Robert Yates Racing was heavily involved in providing the team engines.
• WiredFlyer.com was listed as the team’s primary sponsor. However, all the dot com had agreed to do was provide travel to the races for Angela and Jones. The fall out from the scam helped sink the company. The company president died at age 42 of a heart attack (his widow blames the stress of the Team Stripper saga).
• Her racer, Mike McLaughlin currently works for Joe Gibbs Racing as a fabricator and racing mentor to Denny Hamlin and JJ Yeley. He retired from racing in 2004.
• McLauglin and Team Stripper had the fastest car in Busch Series testing at Daytona before the scam fell apart.
• Apparently the entire idea behind the Busch series team was to make enough money so they could cover all the money Gary Jones had embezzled from Wells Fargo.
• Angela gave birth to a daughter in November of 2000. The child went missing when Angela skipped bail to Mexico. There is no reporting on the current whereabouts of this child. Of all the lives ruined in this saga, this piece may be the most tragic.

Here are the links to what I’ve found:

• Angela Harkness on Wiki

• Mike “Magic Shoes” McLaughlin on Wiki

But best of all is a 2004 five page article from Car and Driver Magazine (this one is the freaking mother lode on this story)

• Angela Does Nascar